Wow I can't quite believe it, my youngest is looking at going to college next year. Where did all these years go? It doesn't seem long since he was starting school for the first time and now he's all grown up and ready for big college.
I am such a mum, I try so hard not to wrap him and his brother in cotton wool and over protect them but it's so hard, the hardest thing ever. I have to remember that I have to stand back and let the youngest go, let him fly. He does lack a bit of confidence and tends to require that back up from me as a parent but he will get more confident as he goes on I know that.
I remember when he started secondary school at twelve years old and thought how small he looked against all the year elevens but now he is a year eleven, a tall fifteen year old, taller than me. They have to grow up, and it's a whole new education when they start to become these adults in training.
You want to do everything for them, it's so difficult to hold back from jumping in. It takes me back to the times when he made that break from one point to another on his little wobbly legs and we applauded in excitement just before bouncing back on his bottom. It's that moment you teach them to ride a bike and let go to see them peddling away and balancing at last. It's the moment you teach them to swim and let go as they stay afloat and glide through the water.
Tonight I sat at my sons interview for a place at college and although he wanted me to accompany him I had to say no and encourage him to go it alone, he was going to be fine and take the next step alone but it always leaves you wandering whether you did the right thing. I did and he forgave me for deserting him which is what I thought I had done. He succeeded too in getting a place and now I feel so proud.
I know I probably sound like a big softy but these boys mean the world to me which I'm sure some of you understand. I'm not going to apologise for over loving or over caring because that's who I am with anyone I care deeply about. I want the best for my family and friends and see them all happy. As a parent I am always learning, even now, this teenager thing is a totally different stage altogether but I think I'm doing ok so far. I don't always get things right and most of the time I don't know what the heck I'm doing but I'm doing the best I can do, that's what I tell my boys, just try your best. My mum said that to me and it seemed good advice.
I sat with a lot of other parents this evening and we were all probably thinking the same thing.......will they be ok? Will they get a place? I realised I wasn't alone and that's always comforting. I stopped thinking I'd sent my lad into the depths of hell where the devil was going to eat him up and instead felt a nice glow of seeing him proud of his own achievement. Next step - exams!!!
Thanks for reading today and I do hope you pop by again tomorrow for my Verse for Thursday. For now though.......
What to Buy Wednesday
From May 2020 I will be writing a poem about something I may have purchased or would like to purchase.